Revival

I am writing this post from Lancaster, PA. I am spending the weekend with Alpha Baptist Church leading worship for their retreat. I love retreats. They are a chance to get away from home and refocus. Life can be busy and intense. It's been awesome to learn some new music, I am generally not a gospel musician, however, I am classically trained so I can play anything. It's refreshing to get outside of the normal.

Our speakers this weekend have been fantastic. Our message was 1 John 5:14 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. Pray on purpose.

I read a book a long time ago where someone described their prayer life as an open-ended conversation that started in the morning and ending when she went to sleep. That's exactly it. We should be praying all day, all the time, all occasions. I admit I don't always do that. I try to. It's also important to make sure my heart is open to God so I can be assigned to complete what He has for me. If I don't do that......well you get where that is going. When our hearts are open we receive courage to do new things, God pulls us out of our comfort zone. In fact, I had some nerves coming this weekend, but, in obedience, I knew I was meant to be here. So I came. And I was blessed, in many many ways.

For over a year I snuck in and out of church hoping not to be noticed, and more importantly, that no one would notice the piano charm that I wear. I left my previous church very disheartened. Not just with music, but, also with my faith, and I have to be completely honest, this last election finished me off. I just wanted to keep my space, hear a little Word of God and leave. Well, God had other plans for me. I am officially back on a worship team and the experience has been incredible. Pulling me out of my comfort zone.


I leave with a renewed conviction to dive into music more and prepare for the next...New Hope Cafe November 10th. Staten Island. I will keep my heart open to hear God's assignment for me. I will leave to use my voice to sing your praises. I will be available to go where you send me. I will be blogging quite often again because to share what is on my heart almost solidifies.

God has work for me to do.

God Will Send Reminders

I don't know about you but I had a wonderful week. Sarcasm included. The last few have been tough, but this week my health kicked in and the attack began.

I'm rheumatic, I've said that before, but, I will always continue to shout out about this disease. People need to know the reality of it. It's complex and ugly. Monday I will say I had a crash. Felt like I was on chemotherapy again. A depressed state hit and I could not get out of it. Unexplainable really. I started learning this new songcalled Do It Again by Elevation Worship and everytime I got to the second verse I just had to smile because it remembered it wasn't going to last.

As a homeschooler we have always included Bible study in our curriculum. In my opinion it is the most important curriculum. We memorized scripture. The year I was diagnosed we were memorizing James.

James 1:1 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

I was quite thankful I remember this word when I truly needed it. I forgot about it until tonight at church. Sometimes life doesn't go according to my plan but that doesn't mean God is going to fail, because he never has. I have to step from what I think should happen into how God intends things to be.

So if you're striggling this week, take a walk through James. Count it all joy! Not always easy but it's all about growth.

Love More and Hate Less

I started covering a secular song back in March. Stevie Wonder's Love's In Need of Love Today. Just watching the world made my heart hurt. I was schooled by Quakers so we were taught to respect others. To accept others. That doesn't necessarily mean you agree with their point of view, but you respect them enough to accept they think differently than you and love them anyway. Remember love is a verb. It's action. It is NOT a warm, fuzzy feeling.

I truly am growing weary of waking up to horrible news. It's been a difficult two months. I sleep with my tv on, I always have, my daughter does to. It acts as a filter for all other noise. It isn't so great when you wake up to horrible news. Yesterday was one of those days. I was sad. For so many reasons and it was hard to shake it the entire day. Love's in Need of Love Today. I heard that song all day and it inspired me to do something. Just to share a little happiness on a very sad day. My daughter and I went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and donuts (and yes I know they are bad for you but a Edible Arrangement was outrageous) and took them over to our local police station. I met with one of our Officers and handed it off and told them we appreciate all that they do in our town. I know many policemen. They are great people. I am not anti-law enforcement. My father was a cop. My uncle was a cop.

Here's the tricky part that most people don't want to hear. Black Lives Matter does not mean other lives don't. It does not mean what happened in Dallas is acceptable. But since slavery time the life of black people has been treated differently. From being whipped because they didn't listen. To being raped because the master was on a power trip and had something to prove. To being lynched because a black man looked at at a white woman. Remember hoses being turned on peaceful protesters in the 1960's? Racial Profiling was big in my state. Actually lead to State Police having to retire and this is in NJ not KY. Whether you want to believe it or not this has always been in America. The difference now is everyone records everything!! Black Lives Matter is saying we are tired of the injustice. We are tired of being second class citizens. I fought my mother for years that things have changed. After all, my husband is white. We started dating in the 1980's when interracial dating was still new. We took a lot of flack from everywhere, including family. I still stood my ground that things have changed. My mother and father lived in Biloxi, Mississippi in 1954. My mother looked white and father black. He was in the Air Force. They shipped my mother down to Mississippi to keep my dad from fighting all the time. Surely what my mother saw was leftover from 1954. Not 1990 when I got married. Here's the thing, I wish my mother was still alive so I could tell her how wrong I was. Things haven't necessarily changed as much as they are more hidden. People who are my friends have reacted to the latest in lives lost by blaming the Liberal media. By posting articles of every wrong they victim has ever done as justification for a unarmed black man getting shot and killed. That shows complete lack of sympathy. That also hurts and it is coming from surprising people. This isn't a political problem yet it is being made one. Democrats against Republics. Its sickening. This is a morality problem.

I love what Law Enforcement do but in any community there is going to be bad people. I don't care if we are talking about Priests, Police, Military, Social Work, etc. People lose their way. It's pretty simple. Power corrupts, we all know that. So please keep an open mind to the plight of my people. There is validity to Black Lives Matter and to ignore it is inexcusable. Would you excuse lynching? Would you excuse slavery? Then please don't excuse that there's a race of people hurting and have truly had enough.

So my challenge for anyone reading this blog post is this.....share some love. Open your hearts and listen. Show some compassion. Do random acts of kindness. Say hello to people who pass you on the street. Smile more. Above all LOVE MORE.

1 Corinthians 13:13
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.

FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real

There have many times in my life when fear tends to get the best of me. Early in my faith there was a car accident. I didn't want to leave the safety of my house. I often didn't. I didn't have a child then so it was very easy to hole up in my house for a long period of time.

Then there was 9/11. I didn't want to leave the house again. I was pregnant with my daughter so I definitely couldn't always stay in but it was much easier than now.

I could write a book about the times I've been afraid to step out in faith because I worried. Worry can consume me.

There are many times I will go some place and somebody will tell me what I've done. I will stand there puzzled wondering how they knew. It was always facebook, or twitter, or instagram. I joked that I live a very public life.

I left ministry at a church in April. It was just time regardless of what was happening and I knew it. I fought it. However, before I was tied up every Sunday I had a ministry of special music and I loved that. Hearing different pastors every week. Meeting people and sharing together. I am thankful I get to do that again. As I opened up my public facebook page and started typing about this Sunday I started to think, what if.....

You see, I knew Christina Grimmie. Her mother was my Matron of Honor when I got married. She is the one who led me to the Lord and I will eternally be grateful. Her parents are my daughters Godparents. I won't pretend that I've seen Christina or her family since they moved to California, life just gets funny sometimes, but I still remember when she and her brother were born. Marcus and Christina are on my refrigerator from my daughters first birthday party. I know the family well and my heart is breaking for them. My heart broke. It still is. It still doesn't seem real. What happened to her was my "what if."

What if I post where I'm going to be or I check in and someone who hates Christians shows up. It's something I've struggled with the last few weeks. My very public life has gotten to be not so public. Sadly, it is because I've afraid.

The acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. It really is false. We can get so wrapped up in worry and fear and being scared we forget that we are doing Kingdom work and ultimately, regardless of anyone, God is still in control. He always has been and He alone will always be. I can worry or I can pray. I can be scared or I can live. I can fear and lose my faith in God being sovereign. The enemy longs to keep us so distracted and off balance that we forget what we are called in Christ to do.

I can't remember how many times in the Bible fear is referenced but here are a few:

Isaiah 35:4 say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear, your God will come, He will come with vengeance, with divine retribution he will come to save you.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 118:8 The Lord is on my side. I will not fear. What can man do to me?


Does that mean that bad things won't happen. Of course not. I've already dealt with bad from losing both of my parents and being diagnosed with an incurable crippling disease, but, one thing has always been true and that will always remain, the Lord is with me always. Through anything. So if I leave my worries in prayer I can not be afraid of the fear in my head that comes from nothing good. That is not of the Lord.

Stand. Be Strong. Remember that you are a child of God. Remember that the Lord is always with you.

Blessings,
Jacqui

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Maybe you're like me, sitting back and shaking your head wondering how it got to be December and almost a new year already. Seems like the year just started and now it is closing. Time truly flies.

Something I've been learning over this advent season from my devotional (Chris Tomlin has a great one on YouVersion), Obedience always leads to Jesus. It's pretty simple really, but, something I struggle with as my flesh wants to just follow me. So that is going to be my New Years Resolution (if you believe in that sort of thing). Maybe we should call it a goal, a very good goal. A goal to stop trying to do things on my own without consulting God. A goal to really focus on studying the Word more. A goal of letting all bitterness go (not easy but extremely necessary).

I have always wanted to play and sing for my daughter while she dances and thankfully this Christmas Eve that finally happened. We heard a Christmas song we just absolutely fell in love with. Not a tradition song. Chris Tomlin's Winter Snow. I had a few days to get it done and fully trusted that in faith it would be. My daughter practiced with me a few times. It was such an honor to do this with her on one of my favorite nights of the year. I will post a link to the video on You Tube. I asked my husband to focus on my daughter because I couldn't watch and wanted to afterwards.

So Merry Christmas to all and may this coming year be blessed. No matter what happens, good or bad, just cling to the Lord. His love never fails.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCpLM8L9kZc

Perfect Peace

My reading this morning during my devotion took me to Isaiah 26. Verse 3 just about jumped off the page this morning. I've read this verse many times before. This morning three words were new to me:

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in You.

Trust, I have serious trust issues. I don't know why. But never before had I really thought about my part in that verse. Keeping my mind on Him and not circumstance.

Recently I've been watching God move in my life in a big way. I had some financial issues but that worked out beyond what I could ask for. The best part is I kept my eyes focused on Him, I didn't know how things were going to work out, I just had a peace that they would work out. Finance is my trigger. My immediate decent into the useless pit of worry. Not this time.

I also just recently had a health problem going on (outside of the rheumatoid disease). Somehow when I was at the end of my rope, it got better because I kept remembering to focus on God and not on what I saw.

Then today happened. Beautiful sunny day and after a week of being off of the tennis court I went out to hit with my daughter. I have to admit, at 13 she is starting to really hit with pace and strength. On my backhand I felt a little pain. Unfortunately it happened a few times. Unfortunately it became a part of the rest of my day and I am playing in the morning. Cue the next panic attack. Can I play tomorrow? Is it going to start the next rheumatic flare? Am I going to make it to four weeks now with my Humira shot? Am I going to be able to practice to play Saturday in New York, which just happens to be my favorite place to play.

Then I was reminded of those three words by the Holy Spirit......stayed on Him. I remembered I needed to take some advil and drink some tart cherry juice. Guess what, I am feeling better and ready to go tomorrow. Training starts for Mixed Doubles in the winter. I suppose I won't be taking many weeks off again.

But, keeping my mind of Christ and remembering to be thankful for what He has done, and thankful for what He will do....matters. It matters a lot!! Everything seems magnified when I focus on the problem.

All is minimized when I keep my eyes on Him. You really do have peace.

A Beautiful You Retreat at Camp Ashmere

I think I've delayed so long writing this entry because I honestly miss that weekend on the lake. Lake Ashmere in Hinsdale, Massachusetts is an amazingly beautiful place. But as I am hunkering down to prepare for next weekends coffeehouse in Staten Island I knew I had some songs to learn, especially the one I learned I listened to on loop at retreat.

Denise Ridley is a wonderfully Joyce Meyer inspired speaker. What I like most about her is she makes me laugh, and I learn sign language. Her husband is deaf so it's natural for her. Seriously thought, when I'm laughing you have my full attention and I remember. She also likes group participation. That's also good for me.

In our culture we are so brainwashed into what "beautiful" is when in fact if you look back over the course of time beauty has always changed. Beauty can change just by changing countries. We're not taught to love ourselves for who God made us to be, for HOW he made us to be. As a woman who has always been a performing I can really spend way to much time worrying about the "stupid" things. What I'm wearing, what my hair looks like, is my nose oily and should I hit the powder. Sadly, even in the Christian music world these things are important.

One thing we talked about was kisses from God. Special things that God does for us that are the equivalent of a big hug or kiss from God. Here's a great example, when I sang with Nichole Nordeman. Through her he erased all the negative emotions for me singing Every Season because now I can smile and think of that moment. I have a wonderful story to share and I will at the end. Things we normally wouldn't think to say "that's a kiss from my Father."

We did some amazing songs. One of which was Beautiful for Me from Sweet Pea Beauty. You know you're a mom when you know the Veggie Tales (they are incredibly awesome). We need to be reminded that God made us beautiful for Him. Ever Be was also a popular song from the weekend. Flawless was our theme song for the weekend. The cross makes us flawfless no matter what we've done.

The song I learned and clung to that weekend was Bethel's In Over My Head (Crash Over Me). I just finished learned that song. If you happen to be in New York to hear me perform it next week and you see me break out in a bring smile during the first bridge here's why. Finally after the retreat wrapped I got a chance to sit at the lake with my journal and just write while listening to music. Of course that's the song I had on loop as I was trying to really learn the lyrics.

Bridge 1
I'm going knee deep, I'm out where I've never been.
I hear You coming
I hear Your voice on the wind.

And just as she sang wind, the wind blew across the lake.

A kiss from my Creator.