Coincidence? Nah, my God is Still in Control

I've been doing a good bit of beating myself up since I seem to have the motivation of a sloth since this "shelter at home" order has started. I should be rehearsing, I'm not motivated. I should be practice, but I don't want to. I should be exercising more, but working out to video isn't as fun as playing tennis. I should be eating better, I don't really eat that bad so why should I?

There have been a million excuses of late.

I got an email saying Jesus Culture released new music. So I went and checked it out on Itunes. I listened to a couple songs, and so far I'm truly digging it. This morning I decided to listen to a song or two after devotion time and I landed on the song Still in Control. I immediately looked up chords and found it originally written in A (yes, my best range). Suddenly I have motivation. Not to mention all these consecutive days of rain are really making me appreciate when the sun is shining.

Most important;y above all, it is my reminder, My God Is Still In Control.

Yea, he really is. Everything seems so out of control right now, but I can take peace in knowing that it doesn't really matter how I feel, and it doesn't matter if I'm having a blue moment, and it doesn't matter that the finish line is not in sight, I just need to trust in the one who sees this finish line. That even when my motivation is lacking, in God's perfect timing I will have new motivation.

When I was in my car accident a friend told me to enjoy the downtime. I have to admit I got quite mad. Why on earth would I enjoy being injured? That's not what she meant. I understand that now. We spend so much time running the hamster wheel we just don't always take time to just be. We are finishing up the school year, I teach history online, and I'm so busy on the tough subjects that it is literally all I've been doing. Well class prep and disinfecting. We need to do the same now. I don't like being still and I really miss the tennis courts, but, last night, I put down the history book, made some popcorn, and grabbed a puzzle. Just relaxed, which I have a hard time giving my permission to do.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.....

When Life Throws You Lemons, a COVID Post

I keep telling myself to blog more, I mean, after all, I'm getting much more time with much less running these days, just like everyone else in NJ. So today is the day.

We, as humans, always think we have control. And if you are like me, just keeping it real, I am a control freak about 80% of the time. Probably more but I'm being generous. You should see my calendar on my phone. It's even color-coded. Light purple goes to music. Dark purple for ministry solo events and also for church Worship team. And then yellow is for tennis. Light yellow is Jana's events or practice and dark yellow is for officiating. Gray is Jana's dance schedule whether it's her classes or private lessons for her solos. Blue means something fun, that last blue on my calendar was seeing the last Pittsburgh Penguins game in NJ playing the Devils. I'm sharing all of this because if you know me personally you know we don't stay still. Ever. We're constantly on the move. So even if I don't take the time to read my calendar (which I usually do honestly) the colors give me a very quick reference.

And yet here we are not moving, on a shelter at home order from the state of NJ. Going out consists of picking up necessities and that is it. I've only been this still once before in my life. After my car accident when I was on bed rest. Worst of all, I have a senior student and when I think about how this is affecting her I can cry, I'm literally tearing up right now. But my goal as her mom is to try to keep this in perspective. Yes, it stinks for you, but life isn't always fair and that's just the way it is. Life will throw things at you and how you respond makes all the difference. I am by no means the best parent but our conversations have gone like this. I know this sucks for you but people are getting sick, it really sucks for them. Yes, I know this is unfair, but people are losing family members and they can't even be with them! It's really awful for them. It's all about perspective.

We found out that one of her dreams is gone. Not that her team advancing to nationals was a given by any means. But I had confidence her new advanced team would compete well at sectionals to hopefully get there. This is her last year as a junior as she becomes a collegiate player in the fall. Tough break. Was she sad sure, but instead of focusing on Nationals being gone she's hoping that at least she can play in Sectionals.

Though Jana (pronounced Yonna) is a competitive tennis player, dance has been a major part of her life. She has danced since she was 2 1/2. She has literally grown up on stage (just like her mom). Honestly, I've been on edge and anxious because I knew the inevitable was coming. Today we got the news the season is done. I read the letter from her directors and the tears started to come. This is her lasts. Her last competitions, her last solos. Her final bow for her dance life (though I can totally see her dancing the rest of her life). But in that rain came some sunshine and our perspective is remade. We're paused. She gets to do it again next year so it's a senior year plus for dance. YAY. Hopefully, graduation will continue as well. Definitely not in June but sometime before the end of summer. And if not, we will work something out somehow.

We have to teach our kids, and ourselves really, that we aren't in control. We make plans and God really has to have a good laugh at us. We have no idea what's coming. We never will. So what do we do? Do we pout and go to Pityville? Nope, we adjust. We realize that even though this isn't what we expected we can make the best out of what we have. We can be thankful that it even happened rather than be mad that it isn't the end we wanted. Remember that old saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade?". Chose to make lemonade no matter what. This is what we have to teach our kids. My mom taught me that. She wouldn't turn the calendar to the next day leaving work because the next day wasn't promised to her. (She suffered a lot of loss starting very early in her life) and that changed her perspective.

So to all you seniors, hang in there!

To everyone, hang in there! This is just a period of time and it will pass. Listen to the medical experts and just keep praying that what we knew as normal will be back one day. And if it isn't like it was, you know what to do......

Make Lemonade.

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:1-7


We don't know what tomorrow brings and we cannot control it, all we can control is our response to it.

Chose the better.

What's In A Name?

I was honored to play keys in my church worship band today. We always do a Worship Team devotional time and today I got to lead. I spent last night looking for something to share, even dusted off some devotionals from my shelves. Once I got to church I got into a conversation before rehearsal about names. I am named after my dad's sister (whom I've never met as she died tragically young) and my mom. She was named after people too. That's how it was in my parent's generation, you passed on names, they have meaning and remembrance.

Then I realized I was meant to share my morning Advent devotional written by Janell Keith "The GIft of Names". Our team can get into heavy devotionals back there sometimes and but this was a light one. I shared that one of my very favorite names for Jesus is Immanuel. God With Us. What we found was for almost all of us our name directly reflected the truth of God on our lives. For instance, my daughter's name means "Gracious Gift of God." She was a miracle baby, one day maybe I'll share that God story. She truly is a gift of God and I know that. Another name meant "Giver of Light" and I had just learned 20 minutes before that she was a missionary. Here's another amazing one, our drummer's name meant "Time Keeper." How about that, he's one of the best too.

Another interesting thought was our favorite names for Jesus. There are so many. Jehovah-Jireh has been one of my favorites and definitely not because of the old Choral song in the '80s. Jehovah Rapha was another. God is definitely our healer. Prince of Peace held special meaning for our rhythm guitarist. There's also Savior, Redeemer, Messiah, Lord, Creator, Son of God, Only Begotten Son, Beloved Son, Head of the Church, King of Kings, Mighty God, Counselor, True Vine, Dayspring, Lion of Judah (that old chorus I love, however), Bright and Morning Star, The Truth, The Life, The Way, Light of the World, and many many more.

On my Christmas tree is Adornaments. They are probably about 15 years old. Each is a symbol of the name of Jesus. A candle, A door, a lion, etc. I remember talking about them with my daughter when she was little. It was really important to me that she remembers why we celebrated Christmas. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the shopping and lights and decorations.

Isaiah 9:6. 6 For a child is born to us, A son is given to us, And the government Is upon His shoulder; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.

Numb

I didn't need much thought on this title. I've been feeling a weird sort of way. You see, there's been another death in my family. Someone I will miss dearly. I haven't been handling it the way I expected to. I just feel numb. This is when every morning I have to challenge myself to wake up and quickly reverse my thinking. "There's no good reason to wake up anxious because God is still on the throne." "Why am I worrying about tomorrow when today has enough trouble of it's own?" "Stay present." "Stay focused." If I seem a little quiet to you lately it's because I'm in my head giving myself a lecture. I went to church Sunday just drained. I had very good reason to be. I buried my mother in law, went right back to the schedule, and lead worship in NY for two hours. I was drained. I left revived but it doesn't take long for that numbness to return.

My thought process is this, every one of those statements is true and I'm so thankful that the reality of faith is not dependent on my feelings. I am incredibly grateful for that because I find in this numbness I am just mellow and quiet and reflect. Reality is that no matter what I coming my way, even if it's a hard lesson, I will be ok through it because Your grace is enough. Your grace is sufficient.

Then I will notice something that makes me smile. A baby laughing. Cute dogs, I love dogs, I have many dogs (just five), a gorgeous fall tree, one can never see enough gorgeous fall trees. And I realize that laughing is good. I try to look for the little blessings. I praise Him in the storm. Sounds a little cliche but it's true.

So remember, no matter how we wake up, whatever funk we start to feel, remember that's not from God. It's a distraction. Stay focused. Praise Him in the storm.

Revival

I am writing this post from Lancaster, PA. I am spending the weekend with Alpha Baptist Church leading worship for their retreat. I love retreats. They are a chance to get away from home and refocus. Life can be busy and intense. It's been awesome to learn some new music, I am generally not a gospel musician, however, I am classically trained so I can play anything. It's refreshing to get outside of the normal.

Our speakers this weekend have been fantastic. Our message was 1 John 5:14 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. Pray on purpose.

I read a book a long time ago where someone described their prayer life as an open-ended conversation that started in the morning and ending when she went to sleep. That's exactly it. We should be praying all day, all the time, all occasions. I admit I don't always do that. I try to. It's also important to make sure my heart is open to God so I can be assigned to complete what He has for me. If I don't do that......well you get where that is going. When our hearts are open we receive courage to do new things, God pulls us out of our comfort zone. In fact, I had some nerves coming this weekend, but, in obedience, I knew I was meant to be here. So I came. And I was blessed, in many many ways.

For over a year I snuck in and out of church hoping not to be noticed, and more importantly, that no one would notice the piano charm that I wear. I left my previous church very disheartened. Not just with music, but, also with my faith, and I have to be completely honest, this last election finished me off. I just wanted to keep my space, hear a little Word of God and leave. Well, God had other plans for me. I am officially back on a worship team and the experience has been incredible. Pulling me out of my comfort zone.


I leave with a renewed conviction to dive into music more and prepare for the next...New Hope Cafe November 10th. Staten Island. I will keep my heart open to hear God's assignment for me. I will leave to use my voice to sing your praises. I will be available to go where you send me. I will be blogging quite often again because to share what is on my heart almost solidifies.

God has work for me to do.

Love More and Hate Less

I started covering a secular song back in March. Stevie Wonder's Love's In Need of Love Today. Just watching the world made my heart hurt. I was schooled by Quakers so we were taught to respect others. To accept others. That doesn't necessarily mean you agree with their point of view, but you respect them enough to accept they think differently than you and love them anyway. Remember love is a verb. It's action. It is NOT a warm, fuzzy feeling.

I truly am growing weary of waking up to horrible news. It's been a difficult two months. I sleep with my tv on, I always have, my daughter does to. It acts as a filter for all other noise. It isn't so great when you wake up to horrible news. Yesterday was one of those days. I was sad. For so many reasons and it was hard to shake it the entire day. Love's in Need of Love Today. I heard that song all day and it inspired me to do something. Just to share a little happiness on a very sad day. My daughter and I went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and donuts (and yes I know they are bad for you but a Edible Arrangement was outrageous) and took them over to our local police station. I met with one of our Officers and handed it off and told them we appreciate all that they do in our town. I know many policemen. They are great people. I am not anti-law enforcement. My father was a cop. My uncle was a cop.

Here's the tricky part that most people don't want to hear. Black Lives Matter does not mean other lives don't. It does not mean what happened in Dallas is acceptable. But since slavery time the life of black people has been treated differently. From being whipped because they didn't listen. To being raped because the master was on a power trip and had something to prove. To being lynched because a black man looked at at a white woman. Remember hoses being turned on peaceful protesters in the 1960's? Racial Profiling was big in my state. Actually lead to State Police having to retire and this is in NJ not KY. Whether you want to believe it or not this has always been in America. The difference now is everyone records everything!! Black Lives Matter is saying we are tired of the injustice. We are tired of being second class citizens. I fought my mother for years that things have changed. After all, my husband is white. We started dating in the 1980's when interracial dating was still new. We took a lot of flack from everywhere, including family. I still stood my ground that things have changed. My mother and father lived in Biloxi, Mississippi in 1954. My mother looked white and father black. He was in the Air Force. They shipped my mother down to Mississippi to keep my dad from fighting all the time. Surely what my mother saw was leftover from 1954. Not 1990 when I got married. Here's the thing, I wish my mother was still alive so I could tell her how wrong I was. Things haven't necessarily changed as much as they are more hidden. People who are my friends have reacted to the latest in lives lost by blaming the Liberal media. By posting articles of every wrong they victim has ever done as justification for a unarmed black man getting shot and killed. That shows complete lack of sympathy. That also hurts and it is coming from surprising people. This isn't a political problem yet it is being made one. Democrats against Republics. Its sickening. This is a morality problem.

I love what Law Enforcement do but in any community there is going to be bad people. I don't care if we are talking about Priests, Police, Military, Social Work, etc. People lose their way. It's pretty simple. Power corrupts, we all know that. So please keep an open mind to the plight of my people. There is validity to Black Lives Matter and to ignore it is inexcusable. Would you excuse lynching? Would you excuse slavery? Then please don't excuse that there's a race of people hurting and have truly had enough.

So my challenge for anyone reading this blog post is this.....share some love. Open your hearts and listen. Show some compassion. Do random acts of kindness. Say hello to people who pass you on the street. Smile more. Above all LOVE MORE.

1 Corinthians 13:13
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Maybe you're like me, sitting back and shaking your head wondering how it got to be December and almost a new year already. Seems like the year just started and now it is closing. Time truly flies.

Something I've been learning over this advent season from my devotional (Chris Tomlin has a great one on YouVersion), Obedience always leads to Jesus. It's pretty simple really, but, something I struggle with as my flesh wants to just follow me. So that is going to be my New Years Resolution (if you believe in that sort of thing). Maybe we should call it a goal, a very good goal. A goal to stop trying to do things on my own without consulting God. A goal to really focus on studying the Word more. A goal of letting all bitterness go (not easy but extremely necessary).

I have always wanted to play and sing for my daughter while she dances and thankfully this Christmas Eve that finally happened. We heard a Christmas song we just absolutely fell in love with. Not a tradition song. Chris Tomlin's Winter Snow. I had a few days to get it done and fully trusted that in faith it would be. My daughter practiced with me a few times. It was such an honor to do this with her on one of my favorite nights of the year. I will post a link to the video on You Tube. I asked my husband to focus on my daughter because I couldn't watch and wanted to afterwards.

So Merry Christmas to all and may this coming year be blessed. No matter what happens, good or bad, just cling to the Lord. His love never fails.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCpLM8L9kZc

Perfect Peace

My reading this morning during my devotion took me to Isaiah 26. Verse 3 just about jumped off the page this morning. I've read this verse many times before. This morning three words were new to me:

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in You.

Trust, I have serious trust issues. I don't know why. But never before had I really thought about my part in that verse. Keeping my mind on Him and not circumstance.

Recently I've been watching God move in my life in a big way. I had some financial issues but that worked out beyond what I could ask for. The best part is I kept my eyes focused on Him, I didn't know how things were going to work out, I just had a peace that they would work out. Finance is my trigger. My immediate decent into the useless pit of worry. Not this time.

I also just recently had a health problem going on (outside of the rheumatoid disease). Somehow when I was at the end of my rope, it got better because I kept remembering to focus on God and not on what I saw.

Then today happened. Beautiful sunny day and after a week of being off of the tennis court I went out to hit with my daughter. I have to admit, at 13 she is starting to really hit with pace and strength. On my backhand I felt a little pain. Unfortunately it happened a few times. Unfortunately it became a part of the rest of my day and I am playing in the morning. Cue the next panic attack. Can I play tomorrow? Is it going to start the next rheumatic flare? Am I going to make it to four weeks now with my Humira shot? Am I going to be able to practice to play Saturday in New York, which just happens to be my favorite place to play.

Then I was reminded of those three words by the Holy Spirit......stayed on Him. I remembered I needed to take some advil and drink some tart cherry juice. Guess what, I am feeling better and ready to go tomorrow. Training starts for Mixed Doubles in the winter. I suppose I won't be taking many weeks off again.

But, keeping my mind of Christ and remembering to be thankful for what He has done, and thankful for what He will do....matters. It matters a lot!! Everything seems magnified when I focus on the problem.

All is minimized when I keep my eyes on Him. You really do have peace.

A Beautiful You Retreat at Camp Ashmere

I think I've delayed so long writing this entry because I honestly miss that weekend on the lake. Lake Ashmere in Hinsdale, Massachusetts is an amazingly beautiful place. But as I am hunkering down to prepare for next weekends coffeehouse in Staten Island I knew I had some songs to learn, especially the one I learned I listened to on loop at retreat.

Denise Ridley is a wonderfully Joyce Meyer inspired speaker. What I like most about her is she makes me laugh, and I learn sign language. Her husband is deaf so it's natural for her. Seriously thought, when I'm laughing you have my full attention and I remember. She also likes group participation. That's also good for me.

In our culture we are so brainwashed into what "beautiful" is when in fact if you look back over the course of time beauty has always changed. Beauty can change just by changing countries. We're not taught to love ourselves for who God made us to be, for HOW he made us to be. As a woman who has always been a performing I can really spend way to much time worrying about the "stupid" things. What I'm wearing, what my hair looks like, is my nose oily and should I hit the powder. Sadly, even in the Christian music world these things are important.

One thing we talked about was kisses from God. Special things that God does for us that are the equivalent of a big hug or kiss from God. Here's a great example, when I sang with Nichole Nordeman. Through her he erased all the negative emotions for me singing Every Season because now I can smile and think of that moment. I have a wonderful story to share and I will at the end. Things we normally wouldn't think to say "that's a kiss from my Father."

We did some amazing songs. One of which was Beautiful for Me from Sweet Pea Beauty. You know you're a mom when you know the Veggie Tales (they are incredibly awesome). We need to be reminded that God made us beautiful for Him. Ever Be was also a popular song from the weekend. Flawless was our theme song for the weekend. The cross makes us flawfless no matter what we've done.

The song I learned and clung to that weekend was Bethel's In Over My Head (Crash Over Me). I just finished learned that song. If you happen to be in New York to hear me perform it next week and you see me break out in a bring smile during the first bridge here's why. Finally after the retreat wrapped I got a chance to sit at the lake with my journal and just write while listening to music. Of course that's the song I had on loop as I was trying to really learn the lyrics.

Bridge 1
I'm going knee deep, I'm out where I've never been.
I hear You coming
I hear Your voice on the wind.

And just as she sang wind, the wind blew across the lake.

A kiss from my Creator.