Coincidence? Nah, my God is Still in Control

I've been doing a good bit of beating myself up since I seem to have the motivation of a sloth since this "shelter at home" order has started. I should be rehearsing, I'm not motivated. I should be practice, but I don't want to. I should be exercising more, but working out to video isn't as fun as playing tennis. I should be eating better, I don't really eat that bad so why should I?

There have been a million excuses of late.

I got an email saying Jesus Culture released new music. So I went and checked it out on Itunes. I listened to a couple songs, and so far I'm truly digging it. This morning I decided to listen to a song or two after devotion time and I landed on the song Still in Control. I immediately looked up chords and found it originally written in A (yes, my best range). Suddenly I have motivation. Not to mention all these consecutive days of rain are really making me appreciate when the sun is shining.

Most important;y above all, it is my reminder, My God Is Still In Control.

Yea, he really is. Everything seems so out of control right now, but I can take peace in knowing that it doesn't really matter how I feel, and it doesn't matter if I'm having a blue moment, and it doesn't matter that the finish line is not in sight, I just need to trust in the one who sees this finish line. That even when my motivation is lacking, in God's perfect timing I will have new motivation.

When I was in my car accident a friend told me to enjoy the downtime. I have to admit I got quite mad. Why on earth would I enjoy being injured? That's not what she meant. I understand that now. We spend so much time running the hamster wheel we just don't always take time to just be. We are finishing up the school year, I teach history online, and I'm so busy on the tough subjects that it is literally all I've been doing. Well class prep and disinfecting. We need to do the same now. I don't like being still and I really miss the tennis courts, but, last night, I put down the history book, made some popcorn, and grabbed a puzzle. Just relaxed, which I have a hard time giving my permission to do.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.....

Numb

I didn't need much thought on this title. I've been feeling a weird sort of way. You see, there's been another death in my family. Someone I will miss dearly. I haven't been handling it the way I expected to. I just feel numb. This is when every morning I have to challenge myself to wake up and quickly reverse my thinking. "There's no good reason to wake up anxious because God is still on the throne." "Why am I worrying about tomorrow when today has enough trouble of it's own?" "Stay present." "Stay focused." If I seem a little quiet to you lately it's because I'm in my head giving myself a lecture. I went to church Sunday just drained. I had very good reason to be. I buried my mother in law, went right back to the schedule, and lead worship in NY for two hours. I was drained. I left revived but it doesn't take long for that numbness to return.

My thought process is this, every one of those statements is true and I'm so thankful that the reality of faith is not dependent on my feelings. I am incredibly grateful for that because I find in this numbness I am just mellow and quiet and reflect. Reality is that no matter what I coming my way, even if it's a hard lesson, I will be ok through it because Your grace is enough. Your grace is sufficient.

Then I will notice something that makes me smile. A baby laughing. Cute dogs, I love dogs, I have many dogs (just five), a gorgeous fall tree, one can never see enough gorgeous fall trees. And I realize that laughing is good. I try to look for the little blessings. I praise Him in the storm. Sounds a little cliche but it's true.

So remember, no matter how we wake up, whatever funk we start to feel, remember that's not from God. It's a distraction. Stay focused. Praise Him in the storm.

Revival

I am writing this post from Lancaster, PA. I am spending the weekend with Alpha Baptist Church leading worship for their retreat. I love retreats. They are a chance to get away from home and refocus. Life can be busy and intense. It's been awesome to learn some new music, I am generally not a gospel musician, however, I am classically trained so I can play anything. It's refreshing to get outside of the normal.

Our speakers this weekend have been fantastic. Our message was 1 John 5:14 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. Pray on purpose.

I read a book a long time ago where someone described their prayer life as an open-ended conversation that started in the morning and ending when she went to sleep. That's exactly it. We should be praying all day, all the time, all occasions. I admit I don't always do that. I try to. It's also important to make sure my heart is open to God so I can be assigned to complete what He has for me. If I don't do that......well you get where that is going. When our hearts are open we receive courage to do new things, God pulls us out of our comfort zone. In fact, I had some nerves coming this weekend, but, in obedience, I knew I was meant to be here. So I came. And I was blessed, in many many ways.

For over a year I snuck in and out of church hoping not to be noticed, and more importantly, that no one would notice the piano charm that I wear. I left my previous church very disheartened. Not just with music, but, also with my faith, and I have to be completely honest, this last election finished me off. I just wanted to keep my space, hear a little Word of God and leave. Well, God had other plans for me. I am officially back on a worship team and the experience has been incredible. Pulling me out of my comfort zone.


I leave with a renewed conviction to dive into music more and prepare for the next...New Hope Cafe November 10th. Staten Island. I will keep my heart open to hear God's assignment for me. I will leave to use my voice to sing your praises. I will be available to go where you send me. I will be blogging quite often again because to share what is on my heart almost solidifies.

God has work for me to do.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Maybe you're like me, sitting back and shaking your head wondering how it got to be December and almost a new year already. Seems like the year just started and now it is closing. Time truly flies.

Something I've been learning over this advent season from my devotional (Chris Tomlin has a great one on YouVersion), Obedience always leads to Jesus. It's pretty simple really, but, something I struggle with as my flesh wants to just follow me. So that is going to be my New Years Resolution (if you believe in that sort of thing). Maybe we should call it a goal, a very good goal. A goal to stop trying to do things on my own without consulting God. A goal to really focus on studying the Word more. A goal of letting all bitterness go (not easy but extremely necessary).

I have always wanted to play and sing for my daughter while she dances and thankfully this Christmas Eve that finally happened. We heard a Christmas song we just absolutely fell in love with. Not a tradition song. Chris Tomlin's Winter Snow. I had a few days to get it done and fully trusted that in faith it would be. My daughter practiced with me a few times. It was such an honor to do this with her on one of my favorite nights of the year. I will post a link to the video on You Tube. I asked my husband to focus on my daughter because I couldn't watch and wanted to afterwards.

So Merry Christmas to all and may this coming year be blessed. No matter what happens, good or bad, just cling to the Lord. His love never fails.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCpLM8L9kZc

A Beautiful You Retreat at Camp Ashmere

I think I've delayed so long writing this entry because I honestly miss that weekend on the lake. Lake Ashmere in Hinsdale, Massachusetts is an amazingly beautiful place. But as I am hunkering down to prepare for next weekends coffeehouse in Staten Island I knew I had some songs to learn, especially the one I learned I listened to on loop at retreat.

Denise Ridley is a wonderfully Joyce Meyer inspired speaker. What I like most about her is she makes me laugh, and I learn sign language. Her husband is deaf so it's natural for her. Seriously thought, when I'm laughing you have my full attention and I remember. She also likes group participation. That's also good for me.

In our culture we are so brainwashed into what "beautiful" is when in fact if you look back over the course of time beauty has always changed. Beauty can change just by changing countries. We're not taught to love ourselves for who God made us to be, for HOW he made us to be. As a woman who has always been a performing I can really spend way to much time worrying about the "stupid" things. What I'm wearing, what my hair looks like, is my nose oily and should I hit the powder. Sadly, even in the Christian music world these things are important.

One thing we talked about was kisses from God. Special things that God does for us that are the equivalent of a big hug or kiss from God. Here's a great example, when I sang with Nichole Nordeman. Through her he erased all the negative emotions for me singing Every Season because now I can smile and think of that moment. I have a wonderful story to share and I will at the end. Things we normally wouldn't think to say "that's a kiss from my Father."

We did some amazing songs. One of which was Beautiful for Me from Sweet Pea Beauty. You know you're a mom when you know the Veggie Tales (they are incredibly awesome). We need to be reminded that God made us beautiful for Him. Ever Be was also a popular song from the weekend. Flawless was our theme song for the weekend. The cross makes us flawfless no matter what we've done.

The song I learned and clung to that weekend was Bethel's In Over My Head (Crash Over Me). I just finished learned that song. If you happen to be in New York to hear me perform it next week and you see me break out in a bring smile during the first bridge here's why. Finally after the retreat wrapped I got a chance to sit at the lake with my journal and just write while listening to music. Of course that's the song I had on loop as I was trying to really learn the lyrics.

Bridge 1
I'm going knee deep, I'm out where I've never been.
I hear You coming
I hear Your voice on the wind.

And just as she sang wind, the wind blew across the lake.

A kiss from my Creator.