Numb

I didn't need much thought on this title. I've been feeling a weird sort of way. You see, there's been another death in my family. Someone I will miss dearly. I haven't been handling it the way I expected to. I just feel numb. This is when every morning I have to challenge myself to wake up and quickly reverse my thinking. "There's no good reason to wake up anxious because God is still on the throne." "Why am I worrying about tomorrow when today has enough trouble of it's own?" "Stay present." "Stay focused." If I seem a little quiet to you lately it's because I'm in my head giving myself a lecture. I went to church Sunday just drained. I had very good reason to be. I buried my mother in law, went right back to the schedule, and lead worship in NY for two hours. I was drained. I left revived but it doesn't take long for that numbness to return.

My thought process is this, every one of those statements is true and I'm so thankful that the reality of faith is not dependent on my feelings. I am incredibly grateful for that because I find in this numbness I am just mellow and quiet and reflect. Reality is that no matter what I coming my way, even if it's a hard lesson, I will be ok through it because Your grace is enough. Your grace is sufficient.

Then I will notice something that makes me smile. A baby laughing. Cute dogs, I love dogs, I have many dogs (just five), a gorgeous fall tree, one can never see enough gorgeous fall trees. And I realize that laughing is good. I try to look for the little blessings. I praise Him in the storm. Sounds a little cliche but it's true.

So remember, no matter how we wake up, whatever funk we start to feel, remember that's not from God. It's a distraction. Stay focused. Praise Him in the storm.

Revival

I am writing this post from Lancaster, PA. I am spending the weekend with Alpha Baptist Church leading worship for their retreat. I love retreats. They are a chance to get away from home and refocus. Life can be busy and intense. It's been awesome to learn some new music, I am generally not a gospel musician, however, I am classically trained so I can play anything. It's refreshing to get outside of the normal.

Our speakers this weekend have been fantastic. Our message was 1 John 5:14 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. Pray on purpose.

I read a book a long time ago where someone described their prayer life as an open-ended conversation that started in the morning and ending when she went to sleep. That's exactly it. We should be praying all day, all the time, all occasions. I admit I don't always do that. I try to. It's also important to make sure my heart is open to God so I can be assigned to complete what He has for me. If I don't do that......well you get where that is going. When our hearts are open we receive courage to do new things, God pulls us out of our comfort zone. In fact, I had some nerves coming this weekend, but, in obedience, I knew I was meant to be here. So I came. And I was blessed, in many many ways.

For over a year I snuck in and out of church hoping not to be noticed, and more importantly, that no one would notice the piano charm that I wear. I left my previous church very disheartened. Not just with music, but, also with my faith, and I have to be completely honest, this last election finished me off. I just wanted to keep my space, hear a little Word of God and leave. Well, God had other plans for me. I am officially back on a worship team and the experience has been incredible. Pulling me out of my comfort zone.


I leave with a renewed conviction to dive into music more and prepare for the next...New Hope Cafe November 10th. Staten Island. I will keep my heart open to hear God's assignment for me. I will leave to use my voice to sing your praises. I will be available to go where you send me. I will be blogging quite often again because to share what is on my heart almost solidifies.

God has work for me to do.