I've been having a string of "those days". You know, we all have them, and when they come together in a nice little string it's really stressful. It's like a little prepackaged beautiful box of stress perfectly designed to push all on my buttons.
As you know, I lost my father a few years ago. I was determined to sing and PLAY Every Season by Nichole Nordeman. Since then it is just my funeral song. It's a beautiful song, and I love it, it gives me great hope in the midst of these gift box days. It's an emotional song for me though and when I am stressed, it's a very difficult song to not be a part of. If I'm in it on those days, I will cry. I can't do that. Not until after. Unfortunately as a church musician, guess what, it's my job. I don't mind. It's an honor to play for anyone in those special moments of life. The life changing moments.
You've heard that saying before right? Not my business, not my monkey's.
Enter someone else's monkey. On a day where I amy already over emotional for woman reasons (blasted hormones), and over tired from not sleeping for a few days. A friend has a friends who found me on facebook. His mission in doing this. To let me know repeatedly that I am helping my friend be "an abuser." We've gone rounds about this before. Just leave her alone. Don't talk to her. I haven't even taken sides. I'm sure she's not but, I've never told him that. Now, we aren't even facebook friends so how he knows I'm her friend I will never know. This "monkey" then likes to notify me of how fake I am, self centered, horrible and wretched. Today just was not the day. That old temper flared back. I honestly believe this guy wasn't going to commit suicide though hinting about it. I kindly told him that I was really having a rough morning and I just couldn't do this today. That he really needed to seek professional help because I am not equipped to help. He wouldn't stop. I told him that I am taking him at his word and was going to call the police. I actually did. So, after an hour I pulled a Morpheus moment and finally just said, "I called the police. Listen for the knock". That was it. He blocked me. I'm guessing so I wouldn't get his location, but, that ship had already sailed. I do think this person is a little unstable. I worry for my friend.
Then of course, I calm down and think. Did I just blow that? Yup. When he was attacking my ministry and value as a Worship Leader did I ever stop to say, "Listen guy, you really need to focus on someone more important than my friend. Let's look to Jesus. Let's pray." I went right back to the fleshly ways of not showing who my God really is. Who could have handled this whole thing well better than I could have if only I didn't get upset and prayed.l I decided who was worthy of understanding. I wasn't feeling I was the only one having a bad day. I realized the family at the funeral was having a much worse day than I. (More on that later).
I am praying now, forgiveness for not doing what I should have. I am completely thankful that I just have to ask for that forgiveness I so desperately need right now. Praying for him as well. That he truly does seek out the help he needs. I know what it is like to look for love in all the wrong places.
The funeral today was actually pretty good. I love when that happens. The family wasn't falling apart. They held tight to their faith and that ministered to me and lifted me up so I was ready to do what God called me to do. We celebrated his life. I got to play Nichole Nordeman's Legacy. Did I chose to love? Tough words to sing after my morning. All I can do is try better next time.
